Marriage is Hard. Relationships are messy business. But Marriage is Good. Relationships are a source of great joy and beauty. There are 3 books I typically recomend in couples counseling. The first is "Love and War". This title captures the essence of marriage doesn't it? Similar to a current song about marriage called "Dancing in the Minefields". The 2nd book is "How to improve your marriage without talking about it" Wouldn't that be great!? But it captures the deeper need in marriage...connection. Communication is not enough, we need to feel connected to our partner in a deep way. Which brings me to the 3rd recommendation "Hold me tight". We all know that babies need to form attachments with their caregivers to survive. But recent research indicates the need for attachment is lifelong. It is in secure attachment to our partner that we find the greatest joy and satisfaction. Any threats to attachment are always destructive and painful.